The Cryptic Cellar Review
I have to admit, the name is clever—cute even. There is an air of dark mystery that lingers throughout the cozy, after-hours eatery. The décor is full of dimly lit, romantic chandeliers with an old-world appearance, rod-iron candelabras scattered in corners usually saved for cobwebs and spiders. It certainly gave a shabby-chic, yet new-age, not-so-eerie dungeon vibe—especially with the hint of melting wax and roses wafting in the air.
The seating was intimate with plush, red, wingback chairs and Victorian-looking sofas set behind equally elegant wood-topped tables. A mix of indie-style trance/dubstep music was subtly piped throughout. It was pleasantly audible, but not intrusive to a conversation.
The menu offered cuisine deemed to be more elegant than the average bar fare and is certainly marketed to the late-night crowd. The Pulled Pork Quesadilla was sweet and smoky with just enough spice to tingle the taste buds but not enough to set off the palate's fire alarm. However, the shredded cheese felt rubbery and lower grade than should be expected for their fine dining theme. Additionally, the appetizer was served with a side of salsa that was more reminiscent of over processed tomatoes you'd find in a jar of Pace.
The Margarita Pizza, while certainly worthy of soaking up the remnants of a late night drinking session, was more like cardboard slathered with canned tomato sauce masquerading as marinara and sprinkled with wilting, flavorless greenery.
The Creamy Baked Potato Soup was, by far, the best item offered on the menu with a balance between chicken broth and half-n-half to cream things up. However, it was a typical homemade-style soup simple enough for the average home cook to deconstruct.
The menu did not list the prices. As the saying goes, "if you have to ask, you can't afford it," which is precisely the sticker shock you receive after consuming edible food that was over marketed as better than it was at $30.00 an app!
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