9 Divorce Court Letter
This is a writing sample from Scripted writer Bhai Garcia
_ Purpose _: To provide the audience (court officials) with facts that may help with the court's decision. In retrospect, these facts had no bearing on the lawful proceedings but provided comfort to the plaintiff that he did all that he could. _ Industry _: Divorce Court Letter – Personal explanation. _ Tone _: Honesty, sincerity, factual, expecting a positive outcome. _ _ ** This document has been scrubbed for sensitive information. ** ** ** 2-14-19 Hon. Judge: Good Manand Hon. Commissioner: Good Woman Third District Court 123 South State Street, Room 1 Nice City, Nice State Civil No. 123456789 Regarding the Motion for Judgement on the Pleadings for Divorce. Petitioner: Mr. Person | Respondent: Mrs. Person September 9th, 2019 @ 9am Dear Hon. Judge: Good Manand Hon. Commissioner: Good Woman: I, Mr. Person, attest that the following is true. First and Foremost, thank you… many thank you(s) for taking the time to consider what is about to be laid out. This document which will either be read or heard in court for the purpose of divorce, was prepared by me in an effort to clarify the timeline of events. I hope that it is not required, and I would like to only bring this up if absolutely necessary. The issues I will mention are all factual; but, knowing how Mrs. Person has an innate ability to persuade others to see her perspective via emotional and illogical means, I took it into my own hands to write the following emotional and logical facts that will help the audience to fully understand the situation. May I first say, that the relationship started off very nicely? It was wonderful, and feelings of glee were off the charts. We were happy and couldn't imagine a better match. But even with this feeling of infinite caring and understanding, I still felt it would be prudent to establish some much-needed rules to ensure that the relationship would survive. Thus, I instilled only a few rules which I felt would be paramount. - Because the gap is approximately 10,000 miles and requires 3 flights amounting to over 30 hours of travel, it is necessary to follow these rules: 1. If one or both of us get mad at each other for any reason, we must resolve the issue on the same phone or video call, without fail. If there are time constraints, then it can be resolved on the next call. If a cool down period is required, it must be done so in the same day. 2. If one or both of us get mad at each other for any reason, neither one of us can hang up the call until the issue has been resolved. Each must listen to the other person's perspective and an understanding or compromise must be made. Both of us must agree that it is ok to hang up the phone. 3. Trust is of the utmost importance. Without trust, we won't make it. The relationship will deteriorate if we cannot trust each other. And that's it! Pretty simple, right? See… it is easy to show someone the colors you would like to portray when you are on a phone call. But only time will break down those bad light bulbs and leave the real light bulbs which show a person's true colors. However, it is sometimes difficult to see the truth in such matters when so far away, especially when serious life events play a part in someone's personality. Mrs. Person and I started our first contact in October of 2014. Everything was great, and I came to visit her and her family in April of 2015. All was well, no issues, her family liked me, and I liked them as well. Our relationship grew stronger and we were able to adhere to the rules perfectly. On August 2nd, 2015 her father, a great man, passed away due to complications with cancer. It was a very sad time. And understandably, Mrs. Person's behavior changed. I was very accepting of her new demeanor, caring for her broken heart, and forgiving of her offending nature and constant breaking of the rules, regularly. Unfortunately, all of this became the norm. Although, her attitude started to clear up and her mental well-being started to take a turn for the better after several months, it seemed that she had formed new habits. Ones where it seemed acceptable to break the rules and to offend me without hesitation. Nonetheless, I knew that it was a difficult loss as my father AND step-father had both passed away recently (relative to 2015). Both whom I had known, loved, and cherished all my life. Now, I don't want to paint a pretty picture for myself here and try to convince you that I was an angel throughout this whole time period (or throughout my life in general). But, in all honesty; I have always been known to not take stress, be a pacifist, and have the patience of a Saint. I know my traits, I know them to be true. Well, fast-forward through misunderstandings, rule-breaking, and general bad behavior, I started absorbing her temper and found myself having a difficult time to keep my patience. I knew that we could resolve our matters and I was hoping for certain events to help us. My arrival in March 2016 was proof of that and her behavior changed, and all was well. The bad attitude and misbehavior dissipated upon my arrival. But an unfortunate turn of events happened on this trip – just general bad timing I suppose. A dear friend of mine, who is female, happened to message me via Skype on the day that I was to leave for India. Being that she is also from Bangalore India, precisely where Mrs. Person is from, it is only reasonable to understand that she would love to visit her country, meet with my future wife, and she'd obviously miss me as well. We were a close-knit group at work and we never missed a lunch together (the four of us) and went on trips to different states and adventures; so much is just a few hours' drive in Utah. So, we had some friendly banter over Skype, and I mentioned that I'll miss her, that I wish I could put her in my suitcase and take her with me. Of course, later that day during lunch, I told all 3 of them that I would gladly pay extra luggage to stow them away. Two of them are specifically from Bangalore which made the comments all the more meaningful. Well… Amid trying to get internet service at Mrs. Person's house on this March 2016 trip, I left the laptop open on the table and she sat behind it. In the 45 seconds that it took me to drink water, Mrs. Person was able to read and surmise that I had been flirting with my friend… on my work laptop… while talking about my future wife. Suffice it to say, I was appalled at the accusation, but I also realized that her understanding wasn't complete. I explained, and we concluded that there was no harm done. Interestingly enough, I cried… she did not. Lo and behold… 2 months later, I came again to India and got married. The quarrels started again after I arrived in the states, that is, after the marriage. The fights were slow at first but got stronger each day. And the issues only got worse. Apparently, there WAS harm done with the allegedly "flirtatious comment" to my friend and trust issues became a new topic… even a reason for me to no longer have my friends come over to the house or for me to even go on trips. Better said, they were more like guilt trips. Not exactly disallowing me from doing any of these things but certainly putting me into a bad position if I did. I don't think that I can repeat all the nonsensical topics that we went over, but many of them were repeated and always to show that I was somehow wrong, irresponsible, un-trustworthy, and inconsiderate. There was always a manipulated twist where I would have to defend myself. I found myself mentally stressed and worried all the time. I was constantly mad OR sad and didn't know how to fix it. I would sometimes find myself crying at work and would have to go to the restroom before someone would realize the tears or sniffles; but to no avail – my colleagues stayed quiet, but they knew something was wrong. There was a total of 9 of them, all in the same room, a cramped room where we could easily sense each other's presence. In such a professional environment in Zions Bank with their Multi-Million Dollar Project to revamp their software to TCS, a guy constantly crying his way to a restroom is a red flag. I went to Bangalore one last time in December 2016 (a total of 4 trips) and it somehow cleared the air – not completely, but it somehow seemed like a relief from the constant battling over the phone. After reaching the States again, the relationship got worse than it had ever been. The onslaught of destructive phrases that are not heard in civilized conversation amounted to depressed times. I found myself worse and I concluded that something was wrong, that maybe I was at fault and that I needed professional help to save my marriage. In retrospect, I was so naïve… but the step I took at that moment was the best step of my life. I called a therapist. It wasn't enough to tell my issues to my best friend or to cry on his shoulder. To explain the details of my issues with my mom and hope that her wisdom would lead me in the right direction… or at least console my decaying heart. I'll tell you… this therapist, Randy, was a life saver. He seemed to know most of my problems on the first night but realized that there was much to go through in my past. He helped me realize a lot about myself, my past, my family, and about my wife and marriage. But the best part was that as much as he spoke – and great conversations we had – he always made sure that I would come to the conclusions myself. He knew the answers; it's his job to know the answers, not to give them. It's sort of like being a teacher without formulas to memorize… just realizations to behold. He was very intuitive, and I am awesomely grateful for his help. I came to the realization that I was not at fault. I had not done anything wrong and there was nothing for me to feel sorry or sad about. And that although it is a sad realization, it would be better to leave the marriage than to continue and let it get worse. I realized more… imagine that Mrs. Person were to reach the US. With the burden of arriving to a country she has never been to, with her child and her mom, and to be away from all her friends and family – she lived in the same house for 25 years, so she knows everyone in her area – would be nothing short of a difficult time. But that's not the only thing. Imagine the 4 of us under 1 roof! If we were unable to get along over the phone for 2 years, what would the rest of our lives look like? Nonetheless, I admonished that she should seek professional help as I did, but to no avail. I continued to give chances for her to change and advised her very carefully that our current trend will lead us in the wrong direction. That our fights are splitting us apart. That a marriage cannot live under our types of pressure. That we both need to change our attitudes and show each other the formidable love we once had. I reiterated the wonderful cliché of "make love not war", "make peace not war". I warned and advised, I committed to peace and facts, I limited her ability poke holes in the relationship. I tried to show her that she was on the wrong path and if she continued, our paths would diverge. But after many months, and again to no avail… I started to lose hope… and I became silent. Realizing that she would not listen to reason or change for the better, she could only understand that her bitterness and meanness was justified and logical and NORMAL! I could no longer feed the monster that we had created in the relationship. I no longer participated in the arguments. Miraculously, her ability to fight was limited and deflated, and she slowly halted. But within the span of about 2 weeks, she revamped her efforts and went for new methods and goaded me into fighting again by claiming that I didn't care and that my silence meant that she was right and a plethora of other ways that she convoluted our issues. I recognized the old habits in new clothing and took my stand again. I didn't budge. I couldn't budge. It was time to stop the audible violence which was palpable in the air, 10,000 miles from which it came. Our 3-4 hours' worth of daily conversations slowly withered away… our conversations over the next months became an hour. Soon, half hours. And eventually they became 5-10 minutes long – more like check-ins. With nothing to say from either end and when something was said, it was a means to start another Ten Years' War, her last insult was quite literally that last straw that broke the camel's back. For over 2 years I continuously plead to not fight, that fights were not necessary. But it never truly helped. She needed a fighter, not a lover… and I was no match for her by any means. In this difficult journey, she claimed the following at different times. It is by no means a complete list… just some harsh examples that really stung my soul. Items are detailed in a separate document if necessary: - I made a mistake in marrying you. - The biggest mistake I made was to marry you. - I never wanted to move to the US. - I have lived in this house for 25 years, I have everything that I need here. - I didn't move to the US for my ex-husband, why would I do it for you? - How can I trust you after I caught you flirting with your colleague? - I don't like it when you have friends over at your house. - You don't want me on your bad side, you'll regret it if you do. - I was F***ed over by my previous husband, I learned my lesson and it won't happen again! - You're stuck, you can't get out of this marriage… - Like father, like son. You're a bad seed and you know it. - Whatever… (her reply when I reminded her about my deceased father's upcoming birthday) - You're irresponsible! - You're a coward! After so much time it all took a toll on my well-being, my mind, and my soul. But only after all my realizations did Randy finally tell me what had happened. Due to her troubled past of being victimized, abused mentally and physically; she found that where she was subconsciously the happiest was to make herself into a false victim and to make me into a false aggressor and oppressor. It profoundly made sense! This information finally made it clear why I was at fault for everything. It was the reason why I continually apologized for my ineptitudes, irresponsibility, or whatever you could be at fault for when there is no blame to cast… I wasn't trying to fight, I was either trying to inject logic and show there was no blame to cast or even accept blame repeatedly just to attain peace! But no matter which way I turned, there was always another reason to fight. It was finally clear. It was against my nature to be aggressive or oppressive which is why I had such an internal struggle and wept on many shoulders. It was clear… I had been the victim of verbal abuse for over 2 years and enough was enough. More specifically, I had become the victim of Harassment. Seriously. In the Utah Criminal Code, Chapter 9, Part 2, Section 201 for Electronic Communications Harassment, I had quite literally been victimized and the offenses were of a Class B Misdemeanor. Well… I am skidding in unfamiliar territory as I have a very clean record to my name. Even my driving record is well-polished. By no means is this statement to be misconstrued that I am pressing charges; please forgive those types of misunderstandings. I am simply trying to prove a point. That this was a severe issue - I was holding onto the burning end of a stick… and it was time to let go. The following may sound offensive but felt like more of a sad understanding to me. Tallying my realizations with professional help, and with the progression of the issues we had faced, it had become clear that she was delusional. To be able to think that verbal abuse (harassment) and constant destruction of the other person's core is not a means to change a relationship; and even to "not give up" on the proverbial "Us" …? I just… well, it proved that she thought this was normal and ok as if nothing was wrong no matter how bad the signs were. Of course, towards the end, she realized that I was distancing myself, but she seemed to not grasp the concept that this was a failed marriage. Circa October 2017 is when I closed the door after giving all the chances that I could. I gave it 3 years' worth of chances. So now, more than 12 months later with no communication, in January 2019, her inability to comprehend why I left the relationship and her aspirations to work on it seems more delusional than before. Had I brought her to the states anyways, what kind of upbringing would her daughter have? At the tender age of 10, her confusion and understanding of the world would be broken as she would see both of us fight to the point of injustice, inebriation, and well… ultimately and eventually a separation – God forbid we'd be at each other's throats, literally. Is it logical to subject a child to such noise pollution and physical abuse if it can be prevented? Luckily, however, such things will not come to pass. Realizations have been made, life goes on, and in this case, a divorce is in the best interest for all parties. I thank you in advance with deep appreciation for reading and or listening to this. Take Care and Be Safe, Mr. Person
Written by:
