Today I turn thirty-five years old. That's a few years to have a few thoughts that I would now like to share with you. Here they are:
- You'll make mistakes, so own them. I just made one yesterday. I wrote emails from a defensive place -and I know better - emails that went out to six people including my CEO. I had to apologize to a client on a Sunday evening and today, on my birthday, my first order of business will be to march into my CEO's office and apologize to him as well. We've been going through lay offs. I might get fired. I might not. Even if your mistakes aren't laid out through multiple emails, still best to own up to them and see how you can fix them.
- You are amazing. It doesn't matter whether you have cellulite on your thighs or if your Tweet didn't get any love. Within you is something amazing that you should nurture and love and grow. Learn what is amazing about yourself, then praise that amazingness every single day.
- Watch your use of the word "sorry"."I'm so sorry, but I wanted to ask when you'll get that report to me." "I'm sorry, I just dropped my book right there." someone bumps into you "Sorry!" Mis-using this word yanks your power away like a bully who just saw the small kid with their lunch money.
- Your spirit is a tiny badass clad in a black leather motorcycle jacket who is ready to hit the road and travel to awesome places. That's to say: you'll get through the hard shit. You will. Life is a road that takes us to destinations of joy and despair, but the thing is, that road keeps going; you never have to stay in one place too long. Earlier this year I was ready to swallow a bottle of oxycontin because life didn't make sense after I lost a baby. Six months later, it makes sense. That's how life goes: it's dark then it's light. It hurts, then you heal. I got through it. My heart goes out to you if you're in a dark, suffering space right now, but put that jacket on your soul and get over to the next place.
- Do the crazy things that your heart is screaming for. Earlier this year, I asked my dad and my husband to go in on a ticket for me to attend a seminar that I've been wanting to go to. But not "a" ticket. I asked for the "best" ticket. They didn't quite understand why until I got back and told them about the amazing beings I was amongst and the life-changing connections that I made.
- Listen to understand instead of waiting to speak. I know this isn't possible all the time and I know this because of me and plenty of instances where I was thinking "ME! NOW I TALK! I'M SOOOOOOOOO INTERESTING!". However, if you can slow down and listen to the person in front of you with a willingness to understand, you'll start learning things about the ways other people operate that are different from your operational norms. You'll be able to communicate more effectively. And you'll notice people's trust in you sky-rocket because they'll love the validation of being truly understood and listened to. 7.
No one owes you a damn thing. It is fully your responsibility to create the realities in which you want to exist. That can be economically, socially, intellectually, geographically, career-wise - whatever it is, if you are reading this, then you have access to the internet which means you have access to a wealth of information that you can use to get you anywhere in life. But it's YOU. You have to do it.
Setting boundaries: do it. I'm a recovering people-pleaser which is another way of saying that I used to let people into my spiritual, psychological and physical space as much as they wanted to the extreme detriment to my own health. I found it really difficult to stand and tell people what was okay and what wasn't, but when I started doing this in my marriage and professional life, things started feeling really good. A few people were annoyed or confused for a bit, but it turns out people come around if they want to be in your life. If you are a people-pleaser, there are resources for learning about boundary setting out there. I would personally recommend a good coach or a therapist, but not one of those coddling therapists but like the tough-love kind.
If you are experiencing anxiety, that is your body's way of saying something is really wrong. I have had a history of debilitating panic attacks. LIke, losing sight while driving down the freeway types of debilitating. If you need to see a doctor, please do. But I also strongly believe that if you share in the suffering of anxiety, it's a beautiful opportunity to deep dive within yourself and examine where you might be out of integrity between your values and your circumstances. The examination should be done without judgement, lest you compound the symptoms.
You don't owe anyone a damn thing. Here's a fun exercise: the next time you need to decline an invitation or a request, simply say "no". Say it politely, you can even say "no, thank you". Or "I'm unable to do that right now." And then observe yourself as something inside of you will want desperately to give an explanation to the requestor. You don't owe them that. You don't owe charities money. You don't owe your time to people who bring you down or obligations that take you away from your family. (Write down all the stories around this that are coming up for you, just for funsies. This is not an easy one for people to wrap their minds around.)
This sample was modified from it's original version for length. See the original post @the link below.